In learning that New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft has been arrested on charges of soliciting prostitutes, the Western New York Pride & Loyalty Administration has examined the situation and have came up with the following recommendations for the NFL to follow when punishing this owner, his franchise and fans.
Dear Commissioner Goodell,
The Western New York Pride & Loyalty Administration has looked closely at the situation that you have with the owner of your championship franchise. Given that Mr. Kraft has appeared to engage in illegal behavior, it is the position of the WNYPLA that Mr. Kraft runs his franchise against the tenants of fairness, rules, laws and decency.
Given that Spygate, Deflategate and now prostitution has all happened under his watch, Mr. Kraft lacks the ability and integrity to follow rules it is clear that the Patriots are the worst behaved team in sports and therefore the WNYPLA recommends the following punishments to the New England Patriots:
- That Robert Kraft be stripped of ownership of the team with proceeds from the sale going to charity.
- That the new owner be absentee and hire Russ Brandon as President and Doug Whaley as General Manager.
- As Russ begins to make business and PR decisions that will make the Patriots look like a laughingstock such as putting the punter on the season ticket poster, he is to get an extension so that Patriots fans’ are left to scratch their heads in embarrassment.
- Doug Whaley is to give horrible press conferences weekly!
- Dick Jauron will be named head coach. You think Belichick press conferences are bad, Pats fans’ ain’t seen nothing yet!
- Tom Brady will be released and Nathan Peterman will be signed and immediately named starting quarterback.
- All penalties that usually go the Patriots’ way such as phantom pass interference and breathing on the quarterback, will now go against them.
- All of these punishments are to last for either 20 years or the natural life of the first Bostonian born on March 1, 2019. Whichever takes longer.
If Robert Kraft and team fail to follow these punishments deemed necessary by their brazen behavior and unwillingness to follow rules and laws then the team should be contracted and removed from the National Football League.
The WNYPLA understands that these punishments are stiff so therefore are recommending that Gillette Stadium only serve Genny Light to help make these punishments go down smoothly.
In closing, the Western New York Pride & Loyalty Administration feels that these types of punishments will discourage any team and owner from knowingly and willingly breaking the rules. the WNYPLA also knows that by doing this, it will humble all Patriots fans’ which is something this world desperately needs!
The Western New York Pride & Loyalty Administration